The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The model comes from interviews with terminally ill patients, and it has limited research support (National Cancer Institute). It can help to name what you feel, but grief is not a checklist. There is no right or wrong way to mourn (National Institute on Aging).
If you are thinking about suicide or feel you cannot go on, call or text 988 at any hour. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
The five stages
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross set out these stages in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, based on interviews with people who were dying (StatPearls, NCBI Bookshelf). The examples below are ours, to show how each stage can sound. Many people never feel some of them.
| Stage | What it can look like | How it might sound |
|---|---|---|
| Denial | Numbness, shock, going through the motions | "I keep expecting Mom to call." |
| Anger | Anger at doctors, at family, at yourself, or at the person who died | "Why didn't anyone catch this sooner?" |
| Bargaining | Replaying what could have gone differently | "If only I had visited that week." |
| Depression | Deep sadness, withdrawing from others, feeling empty | "What is the point of any of this?" |
| Acceptance | Living with the loss. It does not mean being fine with it | "I still miss him, and I can plan next month." |
What the research says
The National Cancer Institute, in its summary for health professionals, makes three points (National Cancer Institute):
- The five-stage model is the best known, but it has limited empirical support.
- It was later reframed from stages to domains of grief. A person may move back and forth, and no set path is expected.
- In a two-year study, a more common pattern was disbelief, yearning, anger, depression and acceptance, with these difficult feelings peaking at about 6 months after the loss.
Other ways of describing grief
| Model | How it describes grief |
|---|---|
| Five stages | Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Best known, with limited research support (National Cancer Institute) |
| Four stages | Shock and numbness, yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, reorganization. Researchers have found empirical support for this one, particularly on timing (National Cancer Institute) |
| Tasks of mourning | Grief as work a person does rather than stages that happen to them, helping them feel in control of their world after a loss (National Cancer Institute) |
What grief can feel like
People who are grieving may feel numb, shocked, fearful, guilty about being alive, or angry at the person who died. All of these feelings are normal (National Institute on Aging). Grief can also be physical. People often cry easily and can have trouble sleeping, little interest in food, problems with concentration and a hard time making decisions (National Institute on Aging).
For most people, the intense pain lessens with time, with good and bad days along the way (National Institute on Aging). For most bereaved people, symptoms lessen between 6 months and 2 years after the loss (National Cancer Institute). Grief can also start before a death, which is called anticipatory grief (National Cancer Institute).
When grief may need extra help
Complicated grief is when symptoms do not improve, last a long time, cause extreme distress, affect many areas of life and make daily activities harder (National Cancer Institute). It is recognized as prolonged grief disorder, described as lasting more than 1 year in adults (StatPearls, NCBI Bookshelf). Only a health professional can diagnose it or tell it apart from depression.
The National Institute on Aging says that if sadness is making it hard to carry on with day-to-day life, help is available from a support group, a mental health professional or loved ones (National Institute on Aging).
What can help
- Talk about the person. Many people find it helpful to talk directly about their loss (National Institute on Aging).
- Look after the basics. Regular meals, sleep and movement matter, and drinking too much can put your health at risk.
- See your doctor, especially if it has been a while.
- Delay major decisions if you can, such as selling a home or leaving a job.
- Ask about support groups at hospitals, senior centers, religious groups, funeral homes or your doctor's office.
- Ask a hospice. Hospice workers can provide bereavement support, even if hospice was not used before the death (National Institute on Aging).
- Ask about cost. Some therapists offer a sliding-fee scale based on income (National Institute on Aging).
Common questions
What are the 5 stages of grief, in order?
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are usually listed in that order, but the model was later reframed so that a person may move back and forth, with no set path.
Are there 7 stages of grief?
Lists with seven stages circulate widely, usually adding feelings such as shock or guilt. The official sources we reviewed do not set out a seven-stage model. The National Cancer Institute describes the five-stage model, a four-stage model and a model based on tasks.
How long does grief last?
There is no fixed time. The National Cancer Institute says that for most bereaved people, symptoms lessen between 6 months and 2 years after the loss. You may still miss the person long after that.
What if I do not feel some of the stages?
That does not mean you are grieving the wrong way. The National Institute on Aging says there is no right or wrong way to mourn.
Related guides
What to do when someone dies
A step-by-step checklist for the first hours, the first week and the first months after a death, with the official agencies to notify.
Caregiver burnout
The warning signs of caregiver stress, a short self-check, and where to find respite and support.
What is probate?
What probate means, who handles it, the three main parts of a case, what may pass outside it, and a tool to sort a parent's assets.
Sources
- Grief, Bereavement, and Coping With Loss (PDQ), Health Professional Version, National Cancer Institute. Checked November 8, 2026.
- Grief, Bereavement, and Loss (PDQ), Patient Version, National Cancer Institute. Checked November 8, 2026.
- Grief and Prolonged Grief Disorder, StatPearls, NCBI Bookshelf. Checked November 8, 2026.
- Coping With Grief and Loss, National Institute on Aging (NIH). Checked November 8, 2026.
This guide explains general rules. It is not medical, legal or financial advice for your situation. Program rules and amounts change, usually each January (Medicare and Medicaid) and each October (VA). Confirm details with the agency or a qualified professional before you decide. See our editorial policy.