It may be time when your parent can no longer live safely or comfortably at home, and the help you can bring in is not enough (National Institute on Aging). There is no single test. Look at safety, personal care, health and how the people providing care are holding up, and involve your parent and their doctor.
Signs to look at together
| Area | What you might notice | Could help at home come first? |
|---|---|---|
| Personal care | Trouble with bathing, dressing, grooming, using the toilet or eating (National Institute on Aging) | A home care aide may be enough at first |
| Mobility and falls | Trouble getting out of bed or a chair, recent falls | Home safety changes and therapy may help |
| Medications | Missed doses or mix-ups | Possibly, with reminders or a visiting nurse if qualified |
| Food and housework | Empty fridge, spoiled food, weight change, a home that has slipped | Often: meals, chore services, grocery delivery (National Institute on Aging) |
| Money | Unpaid bills, unusual purchases | Help with bills. Watch for scams |
| Isolation | Rarely leaves home, has lost contact with friends | Adult day programs and senior centers (National Institute on Aging) |
| Safety at night | Needs someone nearby at night, or wanders | Harder at home. Ask the doctor what level of supervision is needed |
| The caregiver | You or another family member are exhausted or unwell | Respite care may help, but it may also be a sign that a move is needed |
Before deciding on a move
- Ask the doctor what care your parent needs now and may need in the future.
- Price realistic help at home, and compare it with what a community would charge in writing.
- Ask what matters most to your parent: staying near friends, a religious connection, meals, activities (National Institute on Aging).
- Be realistic about what the family can do, and revisit the decision as needs change (National Institute on Aging).
Having the conversation
- Start early, before a crisis forces the decision.
- Talk about specific worries, such as last month's fall, instead of general ones.
- Ask what they want, and give them real choices.
- Visit together. Get to know staff before a move (National Institute on Aging).
- Be supportive and listen to concerns, but do not argue about why they need to be there (National Institute on Aging).
Feelings about moving a parent can range from loss and guilt to relief. A social worker or mental health professional can help (National Institute on Aging).
Who to ask
The Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116) can connect you with your Area Agency on Aging, which knows the services and communities in your parent's area (U.S. Administration for Community Living).
Common questions
What are activities of daily living?
Everyday personal tasks such as bathing, dressing, grooming, using the toilet, eating and moving around, for example getting out of bed and into a chair.
What if my parent refuses to move?
Listen to their concerns and do not argue about why they need to go. Unless a court or a legal document says otherwise, an adult who can make their own decisions has the right to decide. Their doctor or a social worker can help with the conversation.
Is it too early to look?
Rarely. The National Institute on Aging says the best time to think about long-term care is before you need it, because it gives the family time to learn what is available and what it costs.
Related guides
What is assisted living?
What assisted living includes, who it is for, who regulates it, how fees usually work and what to ask before signing.
Assisted living red flags
What to look for when you visit an assisted living community, the warning signs of neglect and who to call if you are worried.
How to pay for assisted living
The ways families pay for assisted living, from personal funds to Medicaid, VA benefits and long-term care insurance, side by side.
Sources
- Aging in Place: Growing Older at Home, National Institute on Aging (NIH). Checked November 8, 2026.
- What Is Long-Term Care?, National Institute on Aging (NIH). Checked November 8, 2026.
- Long-Term Care Facilities: Assisted Living, Nursing Homes, and Other Residential Care, National Institute on Aging (NIH). Checked November 7, 2026.
- How To Choose a Nursing Home or Other Long-Term Care Facility, National Institute on Aging (NIH). Checked November 8, 2026.
- Services for Older Adults Living at Home, National Institute on Aging (NIH). Checked November 8, 2026.
- Eldercare Locator, U.S. Administration for Community Living. Checked November 7, 2026.
This guide explains general rules. It is not medical, legal or financial advice for your situation. Program rules and amounts change, usually each January (Medicare and Medicaid) and each October (VA). Confirm details with the agency or a qualified professional before you decide. See our editorial policy.